I was going to write a blog about this and I might, but this is
for FB. It’s not just for my friends on FB, but it’s for the world.
When I saw my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, and we were talking
about my Angels, I said I was in her office because my Angels told me
that I HAD to stay on my meds. God WILL make sure I HAVE my meds. If
God says I HAVE to take my meds, then I have to take my meds. Then I
was talking to Dennis about this and I said that if there had not
been my hospitalizations, I would NOT be in his office. He said
there is too much in life that has to be explained to people in my
past if indeed they WANT to know me. He said it would be too much to
explain to anyone about my life from the past 25 years and why I am
ordained and NOT in a church. He said I can’t go to a strange
church and try to get people to know me. It won’t happen. He said
that when that man came to me at Patty’s father's funeral and said they
didn’t know me in Patty’s church, I said to him that about all he
has to know is that I don’t like the Church. And I don’t. But
this has NOTHING to do with my faith in God and acceptance of Jesus
as my savior. I am doing the work of God in other ways, just as
there are many ways to serve God. For me, that service isn’t in
the Church and it will NEVER be in the context of the Church. My God
IS secular. He's not found in most ANY church and I won’t go to
church to find God. Dennis said I can’t go back to people in my
life and pick up where I left off because not only was there Chicago
and Minneapolis in my life, but there have been churches and then my
leaving ministry, which most people in churches WOULD NOT understand
and which I would NOT be able to explain. Then there is no way I can
explain my being on disability and most people in churches don’t
understand or accept any kind of psychiatric disorders believing them
to be of Satan. So, God HAD no choice but to send to me His Angels
because given the nature of my life, I wouldn’t have been able to
live in this world as it is if there had been no Angels. Even Patty
understands this and this is why I will NOT go anywhere socially
without Patty. And if Patty couldn’t go, I won’t go. It’s
THAT simple. Patty understands perfectly. I am not sure God could
have given to me another woman who would or could. But Patty does.
And most of the people in my life have known me SINCE the Angels.
Some have known me before there were Angels and some can’t accept
my Angels. Some don’t understand about psychiatric disorders. No.
I am not a threat to ANYONE or to myself. I get panic attacks very
easily. Patty thought my heart attack WAS a panic attack. I had to
explain to her that I was having physical pain I couldn’t explain.
That never happened before. And people don’t understand about
being bi-polar. I can be the life of the party or I CAN be a
wallflower. And for me stressful social settings, which ALL are in
some form or another, can trigger a response in me. Dennis says that it’s
because my brain can’t sort out the impulses fast enough. And thus
I panic. Some say that psychiatric disorders are of Satan. They are
if Human Life is involved, but for me, that is NOT the case. He says
I hide what is going on in me VERY well and sometimes only by talking
to me can he tell what is going on in my mind, otherwise, people
can’t read me and they will often misread me and that will trigger
a response in me. And the more familiar people are to me the less
this happens. But there just aren’t very many people in my life
who have known me prior to the Angels and have known me SINCE the
Angels. And those who have known me since the Angels won’t
understand and I can’t explain. FB is the perfect forum for me,
but I do NOT write as myself. I can’t do that. I write AS Brother
Ralphie and THAT is what I WANT to do. I want to drop who I am from
the Internet. I am still myself, but only to my family and a few
people who ARE very close to me. Otherwise, most ANYONE is a
stranger to me. Most wouldn’t accept my Angels and most don’t
and most wouldn’t accept what I claim my Angels told me. Most of
these people ARE found in churches. I am NOT religious. I am
spiritual and I commune ALONE with both God and MY Angels and then I
WRITE as Brother Ralphie. I will NOT discuss my Angels or what I
claim they said to me and if you don’t read what I HAVE to say as
Brother Ralphie not only will I be a stranger to you, but you will
remain a stranger to me. Patty and the kids understand this about
me. I want the WORLD to understand this too. I HAVE to HAVE Dennis.
I HAVE to HAVE my meds. I HAVE to HAVE my family. I HAVE to HAVE MY
LIFE! Otherwise, I could say there aren’t other people in this
world I HAVE to HAVE. But I COULD say I HAVE to HAVE those who
understand and I don’t need those who don’t or at least try to
understand. Peace. Brother Ralphie
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